Help
Sign In
answers
October 2009 
I am THIS & I am THAT & Self-forgiveness
Posted on Aug 22nd, 2006
by 
Joy Bringer
Joy Bringer
A black & white photo in Candiace/ Ambiguous photo gallery "Naked Women" by Jan Zwart provoked my imagination, femininity and creativity and here's what transpired as a result. "I am THIS & I am THAT" poetic experience above. Let me know what it provokes in you...
And I also wanted to share an article about self-forgiveness from Debbie Ford. It is something a lot of us wish and think we have a good grasp on until we realize that may be that is not the case and we start deeply, truly forgiving one moment at a time...
It's all up to you. That is probably the hardest lesson for our emotional selves. Our intellect knows that it's all up to us. Certainly our spiritual selves know that too. But our emotional selves - ages 2, 5, 12, 16, etc. - just don't want it to be that way.
What don't they want to be that way?
They don't want to digest the hardest lesson. They don't want to take responsibility that, ultimately, there is one thing we all need to do in order to make peace, to transcend, to grow, and to EVOLVE - and that is to forgive ourselves.
Now, don't go away. Don't say, "Oh, here she goes again!" Or, "I've heard that before." Or, "I've already done that." Self-forgiveness is a process, an ongoing daily discipline that is essential for the nourishment of our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. Forgiveness, more than any other medicine, is what nourishes and heals our deepest selves.
The purpose of all that I write and teach is ultimately to bring us home to compassion and forgiveness. The Shadow Process, the Essentials Coaching program, and every other course I teach have self-forgiveness at their core. There are people who train with me for a year or two, and each week they find more and more places where they're holding on to grudges against themselves. With practice, they learn to let themselves off the hook so they can be free of the pain of the past. And I'll tell you why I am so endlessly passionate about this...
It is because we are our worst enemy. We are the dictator. We are the tyrant. We are the taskmaster and the shaming authority. We are the ones who are quick to judge our own behavior and compare ourselves to others, consciously or unconsciously. We are quick to assign labels, to ignore our wants and needs, to overstep our own integrity, and to keep our mouths shut even when we should speak up. We are the cruel and ruthless perpetrators of crimes against ourselves, spending countless hours listening to negative mental tapes that we know will lead us nowhere. We are the ones who lay down our courage, who deny our genius, and who project our holiness on to others. We are the ones who set off at a fast pace to complete our "to do" lists rather than breathing in the moments that we have been gifted on this planet. We are the ones who can see what's wrong rather than allowing ourselves the pleasure of knowing what's right about it all.
So you see, if you can relate to any of what I just wrote, I can assure you that there's somewhere where you are still beating yourself up - there is a place inside of you where you need some tender loving forgiveness, sweet compassion, and at least a few kind words to thyself.
Self-forgiveness is not a task to be checked off or completed. It is an ongoing spiritual practice that allows our emotional pain to be healed and our past to live where it belongs (IN THE PAST). It blessedly allows us to feel the worthiness and deservingness to live the highest expression of our own life.
I forgive you. So could you please, this week, forgive you too? What would it take? The questions below will help pave the way to the emotional freedom your heart yearns for...
Take Action Now!
Take out your journal or a few pieces of paper and answer the following questions.
1. If your daughter, son, best friend, or lover had done any of the things you've done, or made the same mistakes you've made, would you forgive them?
2. What is the cost of holding on to the grudges and resentments you hold against yourself?
3. What do you get to avoid by hanging on to them?
4. And, most importantly, who do you get to make wrong
Source: Debbie Ford's newsletter
And I also wanted to share an article about self-forgiveness from Debbie Ford. It is something a lot of us wish and think we have a good grasp on until we realize that may be that is not the case and we start deeply, truly forgiving one moment at a time...
The Hardest Lesson - Self Forgiveness
By Debbie Ford
By Debbie Ford
It's all up to you. That is probably the hardest lesson for our emotional selves. Our intellect knows that it's all up to us. Certainly our spiritual selves know that too. But our emotional selves - ages 2, 5, 12, 16, etc. - just don't want it to be that way.
What don't they want to be that way?
They don't want to digest the hardest lesson. They don't want to take responsibility that, ultimately, there is one thing we all need to do in order to make peace, to transcend, to grow, and to EVOLVE - and that is to forgive ourselves.
Now, don't go away. Don't say, "Oh, here she goes again!" Or, "I've heard that before." Or, "I've already done that." Self-forgiveness is a process, an ongoing daily discipline that is essential for the nourishment of our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. Forgiveness, more than any other medicine, is what nourishes and heals our deepest selves.
The purpose of all that I write and teach is ultimately to bring us home to compassion and forgiveness. The Shadow Process, the Essentials Coaching program, and every other course I teach have self-forgiveness at their core. There are people who train with me for a year or two, and each week they find more and more places where they're holding on to grudges against themselves. With practice, they learn to let themselves off the hook so they can be free of the pain of the past. And I'll tell you why I am so endlessly passionate about this...
It is because we are our worst enemy. We are the dictator. We are the tyrant. We are the taskmaster and the shaming authority. We are the ones who are quick to judge our own behavior and compare ourselves to others, consciously or unconsciously. We are quick to assign labels, to ignore our wants and needs, to overstep our own integrity, and to keep our mouths shut even when we should speak up. We are the cruel and ruthless perpetrators of crimes against ourselves, spending countless hours listening to negative mental tapes that we know will lead us nowhere. We are the ones who lay down our courage, who deny our genius, and who project our holiness on to others. We are the ones who set off at a fast pace to complete our "to do" lists rather than breathing in the moments that we have been gifted on this planet. We are the ones who can see what's wrong rather than allowing ourselves the pleasure of knowing what's right about it all.
So you see, if you can relate to any of what I just wrote, I can assure you that there's somewhere where you are still beating yourself up - there is a place inside of you where you need some tender loving forgiveness, sweet compassion, and at least a few kind words to thyself.
Self-forgiveness is not a task to be checked off or completed. It is an ongoing spiritual practice that allows our emotional pain to be healed and our past to live where it belongs (IN THE PAST). It blessedly allows us to feel the worthiness and deservingness to live the highest expression of our own life.
I forgive you. So could you please, this week, forgive you too? What would it take? The questions below will help pave the way to the emotional freedom your heart yearns for...
Take Action Now!
Take out your journal or a few pieces of paper and answer the following questions.
1. If your daughter, son, best friend, or lover had done any of the things you've done, or made the same mistakes you've made, would you forgive them?
2. What is the cost of holding on to the grudges and resentments you hold against yourself?
3. What do you get to avoid by hanging on to them?
4. And, most importantly, who do you get to make wrong
Source: Debbie Ford's newsletter
Access: Public
'I am NOT this, nor, am I that' We are not our body, nor are we the clothes we wear. We are not the titles given us or the limited labels placed upon us by another. Take away EVERYTHING and what is left? It is only I.
And now, on to that forgiveness thing! :-) HAD to be THE hardest lesson of all for me. However, it did and continues to become much easier once I realized I had to forgive myself first. Looking back, I should have figured it out…(you know, the 'before you can love another you first have to learn to love yourself' bit…. holds true with forgiveness as well)….but when you feel victimized, it is impossible to have the vision to see that you are actually in charge. Yes, it takes a bit of effort to look through a different set of lenses with that one, but once you do, you will never look back!
Indeed. Many will read this and feel their eyes have been opened.
Indeed, I feel it is worthwhile to close them and open the again, reading the short verse and feeling what this picture is telling us.
Does Jan Dwart want to emphasize the difference or the similarity in his photo?
The similarity in terms of both have no identity.
We only see the eyes of one versus we see the naked body of the other but not the eyes. This makes no difference in terms of revealing of identity.
When I saw the picture, I wanted to know more about them. Who are they? What are their inner worlds? Are they happy? Which one is happy? Why?
We intend to think that the naked woman is free, and the woman in black veiled dress is under severe oppression of men. Well, we have good reasons to think so. However who is free? Free of what? Free for what? Free to undress? Free to dress black veil?
In brief this picture makes me think of this lack of identity of these two women. They are both a mystery.
Voila… Thanks Darina for sharing this photo and your accompanying poem with us and make us meditate on them. With Love, Bilgi
Isn't it really amazing all the different views and perspectives such images and words can provoke really from the mere physicality, to the emotional context, symbolic meaning, cultural aspects, to the role of the observers and all the way to the universal, spiritual and everlasting symbolism and meaning?
This image spoke to me on many more levels than I could ever express in words - that was just a start and a trial. I feel I can keep on writing and expressing and creating and it could never capture the full essence of this amazing image.
It is no wonder they say that an image is worth a thousand words - in this case we have to 'poeticize' either for quite some more or accept that even 1000 would never be enough and surrender to its sheer energy and beauty as it is…
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences…
For we are ALL that and so much more (what a paradox, ah? :)
Darina :)